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Christmas Rap

by Encyclopedia Brown

Intro 01:36
verse 1: Don't act like you don't get excited inside and feel giddy/ I know I've felt that way ever since I was kiddie/ used to go to bed early maybe 8 maybe 9/ then wake up at 5 am and open mines/ I knew Santa wasn't real my relatives bought the gifts/ every Christmas me and my cousin made a list/ of everything we wanted versus what we knew we'd get/ and were happy if the top gifts were complied with/ the good old days when you had more from’s than to's/ fore the paradigm shift when it was all about you/ before you got older and learned of the Christmas blues/ passed out on your pullout couch reeking of booze/ when you would go to bed but could barely even snooze/ sitting by the tree counting presents by the two's/ where at the very least you'd get a new fit and some shoes/ where even if your poor there's something in store for you verse 2: Man I hate the Christmas story, yeah I had to say it/ it wouldn't be so bad if TBS didn't play it/ for a whole day on the same day every year/ they need a new version where they let Ralphie swear/ and I swear I don't wear reindeer sweaters/ and egg nog with Courvoisier taste way better/ whether its ice skates or sledding snowflakes/ I treasure the winter wonderland the weather makes/ take a cruise late at night to check out the sights/ tiny fluorescent lights decorating homes bright/ tis the season to do good for no reason/ even if it’s something you normally don’t believe in/ cause just receiving can goods or a gift/ could change the outcome of someone's December 25th/ never mind how you find this holiday should be defined/ it happens once a year spread cheer at Christmas time
Every time around this year it’s like impossible to shop/ you might catch your grandpops fighting in the parking lot/ upright citizens is bitching and complaining to the cashier/ who’s at the register about to break down inta tears/ yeah the Christmas rush you work retail it’s a must/ that’s when consumers are sooner to spend all of they bucks/ and you can trust/ that you’ll get overtime with a plus/ but it comes with a whole lot of bullheaded fuss/ case in point I’m at riverside in the foot locker/ watching this manager trainee get treated improper/ by this rugrat’s mama who’s ready to go to war when/ she finds out they don’t got her son’s size in Jordans/ meanwhile a group of teens is in the corner on a scheme/ stuffing everything they find without a sensor in they jeans/ security hit the scene/ attempting to intervene/ and that’s when shorty and his mama ran a screen/ why she kick the stroller at’em and they trip trying ta pivot/ the stroller tips over and out hops a damn midget/ who’s running with her after the teens screaming wait up/ he catches up/ the tallest kid reaches down and picks him up/ they heading to the exit and I’m cracking the hell up/ cause the midgets on a cell yelling bring around the truck
Santa's Verse: Sometimes the holiday season makes me sick/ let me tell ya a lil sumn bout ya boy St. Nick/ I know it all look like beatutiful the glamour the glitz/ but on the real y'all Santa got some beef in this bitch/ don't nobody know how much it cost to feed reindeer/ I lost 50 acres of land to global warming this year/ damn elves went on strike trying to organize a union/ on top of all that me and the Mrs. ain't doing it/ but all that I hear about is can I have/ then you give em what they want and people still be mad/ the fuck you want me to do/ I got a worldwide flight/ on 2 different hemispheres in the same night/ hauling round gifts and spreading the good cheer/ I know you can't wait for Santa to get there/ and all I'm trying to really say is cut me some slack/ before you find something in ya stocking dirty and black/ you little ingrates Chorus: Man fuck you santa/ hey, fuck you kid/ fuck you santa/ hey fuck you kid/ fuck you santa/ hey, fuck you kid/ fuck you/ fuck you/ fuck you/ fuck you Repeat 2x Brown's Verse: Lemme tell you lil something bout ol saint nick/ ol saint nick can eat a old saint's dick/ always coming down the chimney with the same ol shit/ another wack christmas with the lamest gifts/ if i get one more tie or package of socks/ i'll cock the hammer on santa shot'em right in the crotch/ i've been waiting for this bitch since six o'clock/ imma rob this marg for that new xbox/ ol red suit wearing cookies on a plate nigga/ lazy ass work a day a year face nigga/ but he's gotta be white cause he's always on time/ and he breaks into homes but it's still not a crime/ he runs a sweatshop with underpaid little people/ truth be told, santa claus is kinda evil/ i know it sounds bogus and it might be wrong/ but that piece of shit had this coming for too long Repeat Hook 2x Santa Vs Brown Verse: SANTA: Got a thermos full of egg nog spiked wit Amorreto/ now you know Big Santa going straight to the ghetto/ come slide down the chimney and what do I see/ but a nosy lil mufucka looking at me/ SANTA: See that's the shit there that keep you on the list/ you lucky I showed up to even give you shit/ lil pants dragging snot nose/ wanna cut class/ good grades get good gifts/ get it stupid ass/ SANTA: You should know more respect to your almost dad/ I'm the reason why this time of year ya mom's so sad/ lemme hit you wit a factoid you did not know/ she seen my North Pole she a Ho ho ho/ SANTA: well it happened/ BROWN: yeah I doubt it/ SANTA: what you mad, talk about it// BROWN: fuck that whatever's in the bag you leaving here without it/ SANTA: hell naw what you thought/ you was finna punk santa/ i suggest you move back in a real smooth manner/ BROWN: yeah right whatever Santa I'll call the police/ and tell em that you tried to kidnap me in my sleep/ SANTA: listen real talk santa still on probation/ and i gotta be careful in this whole demonstration/ so you can have the bag and everything in it/ you done already put me behind 11 minutes/ now imma just leave cause it's time to take flight/ enjoy ya christmas gifts buddy, good night BROWN: aight then fasho santa i appreciate this/ i guess in the end you ain't that much of a bitch/ but man wouldn't you know it when i open my gifts/ its a bunch of boxes full of reindeer shit Repeat Hook 2x
Verse 1: Every christmas is as great as the last/ green grass, brown liquor in my flask/ another cute shorty with a nice round ass/ black label mo out the bottle no glass/ we giving praise for the good times/ my mans just got home cause of good time/ stealing a kiss under the mistletoe's a good crime/ i'm inclined to kick a yuletide rhyme/ late night, wrapping up my son's gifts/ i still look forward to december 25th/ i used to go sledding when i was a young tike/ but never too old for a snowball fight/ isiah wanna build a snowman/ i'm like how bout we watch frosty the snowman/ charlie brown or another christmas program/ cause it's like 10 below a yo i can't go man and... Hook: I'm just bonding with my family/ there's no place where i'd rather be/ and that's...Gettin it in with my faculty/ we just do what comes naturally and that's... Verse 2: And i can smell my mama cornbread dressing now/ cabbage and some candied yams let me settle down/ a pot of black eyed peas for the new year/ family traditions all day ain't nothing new here/ got a tree decorated in the living room/ the lights in the window playing holiday tunes/ like silent night or rudolph the red nosed/ christmas eve i'm decked out in the fresh clothes/ got the house shaking jamming to the radio/ donny hathaway blasting thru the stereo/ followed by stevie wonder and J5/ and every christmas party is way live/ whether it's your best friend's or it's work related/ the spirit of love is widely celebrated/ its just a feeling that i hold sacred/ i send a prayer in the air for those that didn't make it Hook


**paid download includes bonus instrumentals**

yeah, so i made a Christmas album....i know, kinda left field, but that's me. Christmas rap doesn't have to sound corny, that's a terrible misconception. i had a blast writing this ep, it proved to be more challenging than i expected. great for the (hip hop) holiday person in us all...pause.....lol


released December 17, 2013

Engineered & Mixed by Encyclopedia Brown
Recorded at The Lab




Encyclopedia Brown Chicago, Illinois

A prolific MC and die hard hip hop enthusiast, Encyclopedia Brown keeps listeners on their toes with slick punchlines, fluent vocabulary, & dynamic wordplay. An 80's baby, Brown came up during the "Golden Age" of hip hop, penning rhymes and honing his craft as a teenager. A charismatic persona, plus a natural ability to command attention, equals an impressive performer worthy of any audience ... more

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